The Disaffected Life
by AndrogyMous
Summary: This fic follows Haruka's life before meeting Michiru. It had always intrigued me how Haruka and Michiru seemed to be wholly parentless at such a young age. This fic explores how that came to be for Haruka. It will be a series. This is the opening. Enjoy.
1. Default Chapter

Author's Notes: This is hopefully going to be a series. It intrigued me how Haruka seemed parentless. This series will be how she got that way, the life that she lived before Michiru, up until the day she meets Michiru.  
  
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"The Disaffected Life"  
by Monikku  
  
A young girl sat in her bed. Her hair tied in a tight, low hanging pony tail, she flexed her hand. Over and over, she watched as her muscles contorted, her tendons stretched taut, then released like rubber bands, clenching and unclenching her fists. She was entranced by the suppleness of each finger, by the power they held. These hands, they could elicit ecstasy or suffering, as she had learned at such a tender age.  
  
She was still a tender age, only fourteen years old. And here she was, a home of her own. A home? Would she really call it that? More like a place to stash away dirty secrets, disgraces. She was a skeleton. This was her closet.  
  
She stood to her full height, just over five foot, seven inches tall. She was taller than many adult men. She often used this to her advantage. She walked from the bedroom to the adjacent bathroom. She fumbled through the medicine cabinet, just above the sink. Searching.  
  
She was in search... for anything to justify this darkness, to embody all that she was persecuted for being. If she was to be a skeleton, then she would strip away all pretenses of flesh, and layer by layer, peel away skin and muscle until all that would be left was bone. Today would be the chiseling of a ghost.  
  
After finding the object that would begin the carving out of her existence, she closed the medicine cabinet. She stared a long while at the face reflected back to her. "These are the eyes he loathes." She thought. "This is the face they fear." She raised her pony tail with her left hand, and with the right, commensed in cutting off that which now offended her. It was a limb that held no use for her.  
  
"I masqeuraded poorly, and was caught in the game." she muttered to herself. She laughed derisively. "I sound so bitter and old." She proceeded to hack at her hair until a shaggy, short cut was left. She tilted her head, tensing her jaw, she stared at this new image, this new invention.  
  
For every death, there is a birth. Today, her childhood was laid to rest, but the freedom of a new, frighteningly foreign adulthood laid before her. Part of her suffered, and part of her was exhilirated. Today would also be the end of games.  
  
She stripped her clothes away, and stepped into the western bath. She turned the heat of her shower on, and allowed the kneading beads of water to relax her bones. She closed her eyes, and leaned against the wall, attempting desperately to dissuade her mind from recalling the day's earlier events, but some dams were destined to break.  
  
The freshly burned memories cloaked her as easily as the steam rising from her shower: "Haruka," a woman with long blonde hair approached the young, tall girl. The woman, dressed traditionally in a yukata, had her long, silken dirty blonde hair wrapped in a tight bun. Tears burned the young girl's eyes, but she would never allow them the mercy of release. The woman approached her, and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Haruka, I'm sorry. Father can be ridiculously stubborn. It does not mean he does not love you." Haruka stood, her shoulder tensing under her mother's touch. "Haruka.." her mother came up to her, and embraced her from behind. "He loves you, and so do I." Haruka's teeth ground. She longed to scream the defiance in her heart, but she would not. She would never allow them the satisfaction of her suffering.  
  
Haruka felt warm tears on her back. Her mother had always been such a strong woman, never had she seen her cry. Now, her mother embraced her, and burrowed her tears into her flesh. They felt, to Haruka, like a hundred tiny knives. This was the reality, the finality, of what was destined to be. Slowly, Haruka's tears began to drizzle, one by one they fell. Quietly, the two cried, mother and daughter, bound together in suffering, still, to the bitter end, hiding that which they feared; their own weakness.  
  
Haruka pulled herself from her mothers desperate arms, ran towards the door, and never looked back.  
  
Haruka found herself crying, the tears blending in with the drops of her shower. She turned the knobs, in hopes to cease as easily the aching of her heart, and stepped out of the tub.  
  
This was her apartment. This was to be her new home. 


	2. chapter 2

Haruka found herself pinned against a wall of a hostess club. In a place so crowded, even she, seemingly so menacing, was not safe. A girl she had spoken to the majority of the night, one salary men paid to keep the company of,  
stayed in Haruka's presence, hoping to gain her affections, rather than her money. She had followed Haruka to the bathroom, and eagerly forced herself upon the attractive blonde, grabbing Haruka by the wrists, and drenching her in the saliva of her kiss. Haruka felt drunk by more than just copious amounts alcohol.  
  
Pulling herself away, Haruka spoke to the girl, "Stop it. I am... not what you think."  
  
"Mmf," the girl grunted, pressing her lips firmly to Haruka's.  
  
"I am a woman!" Haruka shouted to the girl, having pried the girl's demanding lips from her own.  
  
"I don't care," the young ganguro replied.  
  
Haruka was entranced by the soft, slick warmth of the girls mouth, but the reality of her kiss invaded all enjoyment for Haruka, "your kiss is thick with drunkenness," she thought, "I can taste the lies of convenience upon your lips ."  
  
Haruka was a convenient escape. Haruka was a transient desire, a false fulfillment; she knew this well. She was the desire without the intimidation of the unknown. She was the strength and appeal, without the inherent fear. Haruka was a safe respite, she was not a place of settlement.  
  
The girl's tongue poked and jabbed viciously at Haruka's, having lost any sense of grace by her last glass of vodka. The longer the kisses lasted, the deeper Haruka dove into her misery. The deeper the girl fell into lust, the further Haruka traveled into disgust.  
  
"I mean nothing to you." Haruka thought, "I am nothing."  
  
It was only a day ago Haruka had been forced out of the nest. Only days ago she had been caught in a kiss far more intimate, far more real, than this.  
  
ooooo  
  
While young girls longed to follow in their mother's footsteps, while they wore make-up, listened to pop music, and fawned over boys before ever understanding the meaning of their actions, Haruka ran track. While girls wore skirts, Haruka wore slacks. While girls dreamt of marriage, Haruka fantasised dominating the F-1 circuit. Haruka was strong. Haruka was aggressive. Haruka was disinterested in all traditional dynamics of relationships. Haruka was not coy. Haruka did not allow kisses to be stolen by brash, bold boys. Haruka simply did not fit, anywhere.  
  
Haruka's parents always seemed to teeter back and forth in their devotion to her happiness. They had tried many times to get the young girl to conform,  
all throughout her life. Though, eventually, they would give up and allow her to have her way; with clothes, with sports, with studies. This time, however,  
they simply could not afford her any space. This time, the distance in difference was unbreachable.  
  
Haruka, having detached from the young hostess' kiss, lost herself in rememberance.  
  
Yuki. Haruka hadn't known Yuki long, but Yuki had quickly grown attached to Haruka. Haruka, who had largely spent her time isolating herself from others,  
found Yuki's feelings to be jarring. Yuki had so easily shattered Haruka's accepted image of life and herself, simply by being so eager to befriend her.  
  
ooooo  
  
"Ha-chan!" a young girl bounded towards Haruka at a disturbing pace,  
disturbing for Haruka's comfort. Haruka stood infront of her school, donning their spring uniform. Haruka wore a boy's blazer, boy's slacks, and a boy's tie. The girl running towards Haruka wore a similar outfit, only a pleated skirt took the place of slacks.  
  
The girl, finally having reached Haruka, doubled over, rest her hands on her knees, and attempted desperately to catch her breath.  
  
"You're out of shape." Haruka spoke with little inflection to her voice.  
  
The girl in question stood and grasped at her bosom, "I have plenty of shape!" she stuck her tongue out at the daper blonde.  
  
Haruka sucked at her teeth in a hiss of disapproval. "Vulgar," She said simply.  
  
"Oh, Ha-chan," the girl stepped towards Haruka and twined her arms into the crook of Haruka's elbow, "You act so aloof. You wear a boy's uniform and tie your long hair back, and act like you're just too cool to conform, but really,  
you are such a traditionalist!"  
  
"I'm not a traditionalist. I believe in self-respect, Yuki." Haruka looked down at the much shorter girl, and found herself admiring the girl's features.  
Sanguin eyes stared up at Haruka. Yuki's long raven hair parted perfectly down the center of her head, her lengthy bangs framed her heart shaped face. Having taken the girl's beauty in, Haruka found the girl's proximity flushing her with heat.  
  
"I have plenty of self-respect. I just don't take everything as seriously as you do!" Yuki exclaimed, and tightened her grip on Haruka's arm in the process.  
  
"Mmmm," Haruka grunted in response.  
  
ooooo  
  
Haruka opened her eyes, and looked at the face before her. This face, it did not belong to Yuki. These lips soaked in alcohol, these were not the timid tenderness of the girl she longed for. Perhaps this beauty had emotions to share and stories to tell, but they would not be to Haruka, and Haruka would not care if ever they were.  
  
Haruka quickly was learning what it meant to be emotionless, what it meant to have a "fling," and it frightened her. Haruka pushed the girl aside and ran towards the door of the hostess club. She had entered the club earlier in the evening, hoping to drown her sorrows in liquor, hoping desperately to escape her pain, but what she discovered had been far too overwhelming. It was all far too telling of life, and of herself.  
  
This maturity, the child cried, was too soon.  
  
ooooooooooooooooooooooo  
  
Yeah, I wrote this chapter while drunk. It is short, I hope it doesn't suck.  
  
Monikku. 


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: Eh, I'm not too sure about this chapter. I wanted this series

to be an onslaught of angst, as it should be, considering the subject matter.

However, this particular chapter seems to take a break in that angst and misery.

Meet Yuki (again) the feisty and cute object of Haruka's young affections. Don't

worry, though... angst and misery will come soon. I promise. :D

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The Disaffected Life (Chapter Three)  
By Monikku

"I am an expensive obligation." Haruka spoke to no one. Alone in her

apartment, she briefly scanned numerous documents. There were easily hundreds in

the stack. Either her parents cared not the significance of her future, or they

had complete faith in her intelligence. She suspected the former, rather than

the latter.

Her apartment was a maze of boxes, the movers had arrived early that

morning with her possessions packed tightly, waiting to be reunited with their

owner. The scene before her best reflected her life in the moment, which better

reflected her internal turmoil; all was well ordered chaos. All was tightly

packaged, labeled, prepared for the unknown, forced out of stability; security.  
Haruka had been formally thrown away, the papers and movers were an epitaph

to the ties of her previous life. She knew not which direction to take her new

self. Neither could she fathom how many deaths and rebirths she would experience

in the future. "How many times can a child die?" she whispered.

The young girl sighed as she stared at the clock across the room. School

began in an hour. Never had she felt up to her studies, though always she had

gone and done well. She had been raised in a very traditional atmosphere. Her

mother and father, stoic pillars of success, expected nothing less from their

children. They expected pure obedience. They had expected a child that would

carry the family name upon their shoulders proudly into the future. Haruka,

their only child, was a girl, thus, an inherent disappointment to her parents.  
Haruka's head pound. The poison from her night prior trembled the

foundation of her weary mind, splitting a gaping ravine straight through her.

She held her head, and flung the papers across the room; trust funds, spending

accounts. She had been disowned, but found herself purchased and paid for. She

was indebted to her demons; a concubine, shackled to the disgust and guilt of

her parents.

Standing up, she straightened the tie of her school uniform. Always a boy's

uniform, she had always worn, and felt most comfortable, in a masculine

identity. She had never given it any thought. There were no reasons, there was

no method for her, it simply felt most natural. Why or how could it be any other

way?

When Yuki had kissed her, it felt as natural to Haruka as smoothing the

lapels of her coat. It took the intrusion of disdain to shock Haruka into a

larger spectrum, a wider realm; reality.

ooooooooooooooo

"Ha-chan?" the young girl stared up at Haruka, her arm tightened around

Haruka's in anticipation.

Haruka, barely acknowledging the girl clinging to her, grunted in

response, "Mmmm?"

"Why don't we go to your house?" Yuki asked timidly, Haruka always seemed

so hard to read to the young girl. She was an enigma to most everyone, Yuki

supposed.

"Why don't I just walk you home." Haruka spoke, it was a firm statement,

not a question.

"You always walk me home, maybe I want to walk you home." Yuki, getting

back some of her confidence, fired right back at the tall blonde. Yuki stilled

her pace, stopping Haruka along with her. Haruka stared at the girl, there was a

fierceness in her. Haruka realised Yuki would not back down, and something about

the girl's determination set Yuki aglow.

Haruka turned in the opposite direction and began walking at a casual pace.

Her long legs made a casual pace to Haruka a power walk to others. Yuki, being

much shorter, ran to catch up with the lanky girl. "Where are you going,

Haruka?" Yuki asked heavy breathed.

"Home." Haruka replied simply.

Yuki's eyes glimmered with delight, as she attempted to conceal her smile.

Haruka would concede to no one, but she found, on occasion, that Haruka would

give in to her. Haruka would gracefully, quietly, though sometimes reluctantly,

acquiesce into acceptance of Yuki.

"Ha-chan, how far do you live?" Yuki inquired, her legs beginning to become

sore keeping up with Haruka's pace. They had been walking for a good half hour,

and it seemed as though it would never end.

"About ten or fifteen minutes more." Haruka was terse.

"You live in the completely opposite direction as me. You walk all the way

home from my house every day?" Every day, Yuki thought. Every day over the past

couple of months, since she and Haruka had met, Haruka had walked her home.

Beneath her aloof exterior, Haruka had always been, to Yuki, the perfect

gentleman.

Haruka looked at Yuki from the corner of her eyes, her expression was as

cool and unreadable as ever, "I'm a sprinter, this walk isn't such a trial for

me. YOU, however, are very lazy. I can't imagine you'd walk a block out of your

way for anyone."

"I'm walking at least a few miles for you," Yuki was always fast with a

retort for Haruka, it was something that sometimes stumbled and intrigued her.

"For your curiosity," Haruka was quick to divert the mood from Yuki's

innuendo, but it was not lost on her.

"That, too," Yuki flashed a full, devilish smile. Strands of her long,

raven hair fell into her sight; a torn cloak shading her eyes. Haruka found

herself rather smitten with Yuki in that moment.

Yuki took a moment to survey her surroundings, the neighborhood she and

Haruka were trotting through was very bourgeois, far out of her league, Yuki

thought. Haruka's pace began to slow as they reached a long stretch of road.

These homes, in the suburb of Tokyo, took up at least two city blocks with

gigantic walls, shielding them from prying eyes. Grand mansions for the

conservative rulers of the business world, the haves in a world of have nots.

Haruka was a princess of modern society. And this... Yuki stared up as they

approached immense gates blocking intruders paths to Haruka's home... was her

castle.

"Haruka, maybe..." Yuki hesitated as she became more self-conscious, "maybe

this isn't such a good idea."

"Too late." Haruka grabbed Yuki's hand as she punched a code, opening a

door within the large iron gates, and walked the two through.

The sight before Yuki left her breathless. Haruka's home had been modeled

after traditional Chinese castles. It was truly a fortress. The mansion, built

around a courtyard, was adorned with meticulously crafted gates locking the

courtyard into the mansion itself. The gates to the court yard, made of rot

iron, were emblazoned with an insignia of some sort, Yuki thought they must be a

family coat of arms, "Something magnificent like that," Yuki mumbled to herself.

Upon further inspection, Yuki realised the insignia on the gates were inlayed

with jade. "Oh wow," she spoke in awe.

As Haruka opened the heavy gates, Yuki took in the sights and sounds of the

tremendous courtyard. The entire yard was paved with stones, each stone an

individual unto itself, carrying its own beauty. Vines hung from large statues

at the four corners of the yard. They were elemental dragons, carved from slabs

of uncut marble, each having eyes of semi-precious stones in the shade of their

attributes; sapphire for water, jade for earth, ruby for fire, so and so forth.  
At the center of the yard laid an expansive koi pond. It looked as if each

stone of the enormous pond had been hand selected and hand-placed. Yuki imagined

that they, indeed, had been. In the center of the large pond, stood a three foot

tall statue of a sitting buddha made entirely of jade, smiling joyfully upon

those who entered.

Three, seven foot tall banzai trees stood in a triangle within the

courtyard, one at the center, one on the right, and one on the left. The

perfectly kept banzai were planted in stunningly carved stone pots. The scenes

carved on the pots appeared to be from buddhist creation myths. These myths Yuki

was only vaguely familiar with.

Haruka walked further into the courtyard, once again taking possession of

Yuki's hand and dragged her along. Haruka feared, if she did not take the

initiative, Yuki might run away. Haruka had never brought anyone home before.

Her family had always been the wealthiest among the wealthy, yet Haruka rejected

all that wealth had to offer; she opted to go to schools for the gifted, where

only the hyper intelligent tested in, as opposed to going to a stepping ladder

school, where an influential family was all that was needed to attend. She

avoided galas at all costs. Though she allowed herself to be instructed in

proper etiquette, finding the knowledge would possibly be useful in her future.

Haruka had always feared where she came from would be too overwhelming for her

peers to deal with. She had hoped these fears would not manifest themselves into

truth there with Yuki.

Crossing the courtyard, Haruka and Yuki made their way to the front doors

of the Tenoh household. Double doors stood twelve feet high, both made entirely

of thick mahogany, were hand carved; the left door with the charm for good

health, and the right door with the charm banishing ill intending spirits. As

Haruka unlocked the large, burdensome doors, Yuki spoke, "Your parents seem

traditional, and, uhm, kind of superstitious."

"They are extremely traditional, and, hmmmm," Haruka paused as she thought

of words to best describe her parents, "They take buddhism very seriously, very

literally. I guess they are a bit superstitious. My father is, anyway."

"Does he light incense and pray for good health and all that?" Yuki

inquired as Haruka opened the front doors to her home.

"Yes, he does, every night." Haruka stepped through the door way and into

the foyer of her home, Yuki followed suit, and humbled herself in the presence

of what she felt must be greatness. The interior of Haruka's home made all that

Yuki had seen of Haruka's estate up until that point seem cheap and simple.

Everywhere Yuki turned, she saw history; funiture that must have been over a

thousand years old, created in Shanghai at the height of China's era of craft,

vases as old as Christ, katanas from the feudal era, she could not step without

crossing the path of pricelessness. Fearing marring their worth with merely her

gaze, she averted her eyes to the ground. Yuki took off her shoes and put on the

house slippers for guests into the Tenoh home. They were made of fine Chinese

silk.

"You look uncomfortable," Haruka spoke without inflection.

Yuki looked up at Haruka, she felt frantic to deny Haruka's accusation,

"No, Ha-chan, not at all!" Yuki smiled beatifically at the taller girl.

Staring into the distance, Haruka spoke once more, her voice total

monotone, "I live a gifted life."

Concern shaded Yuki's features as she felt the significance of Haruka's

distance overcome her. Yuki took Haruka's hand into her own, and stared deeply

into Haruka's eyes as the mildly surprised girl looked down at her, "Your home

is beautiful, Haruka." Yuki smiled warmly at Haruka, she wasn't sure why Haruka

seemed so pained, but Yuki was determined not to be the source. "I want to see

your bedroom!" the petite girl exclaimed, hopping to further impress her

excitement upon her friend. Yuki tightened her grip on Haruka's hand, "Which direction is it? Lead me!"

For reasons inexplicable to Haruka, she found herself feeling slightly

embarrassed. She restrained a blush as she responded to Yuki, "My room is

boring."

"Impossible! Anyplace you spend every night must be interesting!" Yuki

contested, punctuating her sentence with a wink. Haruka once again felt that

shimmer of embarrassment flush her face.

Haruka stepped to the right, leading Yuki towards a flight of stairs, as

they approached, something dawned on Yuki, "Where are your parents? You didn't

call to them when we got here."

"Yelling is rude. Ordinarily, there is someone here to greet me when I

arrive home, my mother or a servant, but my father is at work, and my mother is

out shopping. The servants leave me alone, at my request."

Servants, traditional greetings, Haruka thought surely Yuki must have felt

out of place. Yet here she was, persevering, desiring to know more of Haruka's

life. Was it curiosity for the unknown? To know the lives of the rich? Was she

entertained by her father's nearly pathological religiousness, or the fact that

her mother was a wife practically designed by the feudal era; seen but not

heard, alive but not living? Perhaps Yuki really, truly yearned only to know the

intricacies of Haruka's life, to know Haruka. The thought seemed so foreign to

the girl. Those who had longed to know Haruka in the past, did so only out of

their selfish desires, not to truly understand Haruka, but to attain her, to

grab her attention, to acquire her and behold her as an idea, as something of a

trophy, never as a person. Haruka was intelligent, attractive, she was gifted,

and androgynous, which made her feared by some, and a novelty to others. Haruka

was different; unique. Unbeknownst to her, Yuki found it not to be a novelty

or fearsome, but quite spectacular.

Haruka walked a long corridor with Yuki in tow. Everything appeared

reflective to Yuki, from the waxed wood floors to the frames of the paintings

hanging along the walls. Yuki could not place the atmosphere these reflections

lent, but something about it felt unsettling to the girl. Everywhere she

turned, she saw herself.

Haruka stopped, finally, opening a heavy, western style wooden door. Haruka

ushered Yuki in, both girls suddenly felt diffident and anxious. "This is it,"

Haruka spoke softly.

Yuki took in Haruka's room; it smelled of her. Haruka's bedroom was

entirely without adornment, no paintings, no posters, no knick-knacks, vases,

sculptures, no pricelessness, no history, no art. It betrayed nothing of

Haruka's interests, of her cares, it was a blank slate. In the center was a

large bed with a plain wooden frame. To the right was a free standing, body

length sized mirror, to the left a desk with a personal computer, and across

from the bed stood a television, which had been wholly covered in dust. Yuki

thought it must not have been touched in months.

"It's..." Yuki paused, she knew her voice easily expressed her

disappointment.

"Plain." Haruka supplied for the girl.

"Oh, no!" Yuki attempted in vain to dissuade Haruka of the notion, but

promptly conceded, "Well, yeah."

Yuki walked to the far side of Haruka's bed and sat down, she turned to

look at Haruka. Haruka stood, resting against her computer desk, facing Yuki.

"My mother had tried for so long to get me to decorate it, but I've never

felt the inclination to do so. I'm not sure why, but posters, paintings, none of

it struck my fancy. It's a place to sleep in." Haruka shrugged further revealing

her indifference.

"I guess it could be, I kinda see my bedroom as, well, mine. So I want to

express myself. In my own space, you know?" Yuki paused, and turned to

gaze out Haruka's window, her back then faced the much taller girl, the plummet

of Yuki's self-esteem made it difficult for her to look at her companion, "I

guess I'm just a typical teenager. You must look at my bedroom and all of those

posters of pop idols and think I'm ridiculous."

Haruka stepped towards the bed and sat down with her side flush to Yuki,

she stared idly at her dust covered television. "I think," Haruka spoke on

shyly, "the way you express yourself, your enthusiasm, it is... fearless in a

way. It's also," Haruka wavered as she spoke on, her nerves surged with

electricity as her stomach fluttered wildly as a moth frenetic in attaining the

flickering illusion of a lightbulb's flame, "um, quite adorable."

Yuki stared at Haruka's reflection in the pane of her bedroom window,

something about Haruka's small confession shocked her dulled senses. Everywhere

she had looked in this stifling house, Yuki had seen herself as small and wildly

out of her element, but sitting on Haruka's bed, watching her this way, all that

she saw, was Haruka. She realised in that brief moment, that Haruka was all she

had ever longed to see since the day they had met.

Yuki's heart broke suddenly as shattered glass, tears began to stream

torrentially from her eyes. Yuki's abrupt change of mood left Haruka feeling

confused and rather hopeless, had she said the wrong thing? Had she over

stepped her boundaries? For the first time in her life, Haruka fretted

nervously. "Are... are you okay, Yuki?" Haruka asked, as she fiddled with her

fingers and stared at the pattern on her bedspread. She hoped the earth would

open wide and consume her.

"I can't be here," Yuki spoke brokenly through her tears.

"Oh," Haruka felt her heart slowly crack and fragment at Yuki's words, like

stressed bones. "I... I can walk you home, if you like."

Yuki's cries deepened with Haruka's words, with her sweet sentiments. The

longer she stayed in Haruka's presence, the further she risked falling deeper

into the predicament she finally realised she had been in all along.

Haruka edged closer to Yuki as she spoke, her voice conveyed the concern

she felt consume her being, in a way the merciless earth would never bestow,

"Please don't cry, Yuki. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" she begged desperately, for

what, she did not know.

Yuki turned where she sat to face Haruka, Haruka sat inches away from the

tiny beauty, her hands balled into fists her in lap. Haruka's eyes closed so

tightly, they could have been sewn shut. Something about Haruka's faced appeared

torn to Yuki, the gorgeous tapestry of her face, Yuki had shredded it in a

moment. Yuki's hands cupped Haruka's face, and lifted it to look at the small

girl. As she stared into Haruka's eyes, her defenses, her fears eroded. She

leaned into Haruka, and kissed her with all of the passion, with the

restlessness of her heart.

oooooooooooo

Haruka could taste salty tears on Yuki's soft, delicate lips. She

opened her eyes to once again gaze upon the clock. Haruka found her tongue had

been tasting her own tears, as she unexpectedly found herself crying.

Yuki had changed Haruka's entire existence with a single action, a solitary

emotion had destroyed all that Haruka had come to know and rely on in her short

life. Haruka had difficulty deciphering the code of her emotions, was she

grateful? Resentful? Mournful? Did she miss her one time companion? Did she love

her still? Had she ever loved her at all?

Haruka had ten minutes to get to her new school, which happened to be

twenty minutes away. These questions would have to find their answers at another

time, though she knew they would never relent.

She sighed as she dried her eyes, "Better late then never."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

A loooooong chapter. It could be really good to some readers, assuming they

enjoy the character I've created. It could also really suck to others, who only

give a damn about Haruka. I've tried to give Haruka a substantial background in

this chapter. Lots of fanfic writers seem to envision Haruka coming from humble

beginnings, while I feel that she and Michiru probably came from wealth. (Er,

duh, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this.) People also seem to write Haruka as

kind of a dunce, they soon forget she went to Mugen Gakuen, a school for

geniuses that surpass even Ami.

This is the first draft, in all honesty, I don't usually write more than

one draft when it comes to fanfiction. If there are tremendous errors, I

apologise. I have no beta readers what-so-ever, least of all an editor.

I hope you enjoyed it! In further chapters, I hope to delve into Haruka's

nightmares of... dundundun... The Silence. But first I should get the parents

and one time girlfriend angst squared, settled, and clearly out of the way, me

thinks. I'm getting there. :D

My updates will be extremely slow, as I lost my internet connection. I have

to update when I find the time to drive mah butt to the public library. Sucks,  
huh?

Haruka may seem unrecognisable to some, and she is this way for a reason. I am attempting to write her past, and how she came to be the character we all know and love. I hope you, as readers, can appreciate the artistic liberty I

have taken. Ta!

Monikku. 


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Notes:

As always, I do not own Sailor Moon. Shock of all shocks, I know. I was just wondering why I wasn't better paid and thoroughly worshipped only moments ago.

Hey! Welcome back to The Disaffected Life! Been a hell of a long time, I know. So much has gone on in my personal life that I cannot nor would bother boring y'all with the details. I can say this with certainty, though, keep looking out for my fics and don't give up hope on any of them. I promise, I will finish every last one of those suckers, even if I can only post one sentence at a time!

Again, this fic is about Haruka's life pre-Michiru. I hope you all enjoy as we see a bit more of Yuki. Though, this may be the last you ever hear of her again. Much apologies if any of you have gotten attached, but she's gettin' the axe in the near future. ;; Poor Yuki-chan. Pish tosh, oh well.

On with the show!

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The Disaffected Life Chapter Four By Monikku

Haruka stood before her class, tall and dapper in her crisp, pressed boy's uniform. Upon hearing the name Tenoh, the principle gave no argument to her choice in attire. After all, it was an honour for a member of the Tenoh family to attend. She ceremoniously declared her name and properly greeted classmates and teacher with "please be good to me," then walked towards her designated seat with a cool and disaffected air. Whispers immediately swarmed the class as girls began to swoon over the attractive blonde, while a few of the more popular boys glanced her way, sizing her up. The teacher spoke of, and to her, without a gender specific term, seeming slightly confused by Haruka's appearance.  
She chuckled internally at his apprehension.

Haruka ran a hand through her hair as she stared dispassionately towards the front of the class.  
She still was not used to this short cut, the lack of her usual ponytail feeling something like a phantom limb. Every time she tilted her head one way or another, she felt the weight of hair that no longer existed. So much of her life simply... no longer existed.

She felt the person in the seat behind her lean in close and whisper in her ear, it was a feminine voice, unsurprising to Haruka, "Are you Tenoh as in Tenoh Enterprise International?" Haruka sighed heavily,  
it was her only response. The girl tapped Haruka's shoulder, thinking, perhaps, Haruka had not heard her.  
Haruka took a moment, thinking deeply how she should respond to this girl. In kind, wondering what sort of persona she should fit upon herself in this new school. Should she act how she truly felt... agitated and disinterested? Should she humour these young girls she knew were staring admiringly at her?

"Who will I become?" Haruka whispered softly to no one.

The girl leaned even closer into Haruka, and asked again "Are you related to Tenoh Enterprise International?"

It would be so easy for Haruka to come into this school and manipulate it. She knew this well.  
If she acted cool and unapproachable, sexy and confident, perhaps people would admire her only from afar.  
Haruka's eyebrow arched as she wondered "Do all 15 year olds think this way?"

Making a conscious decision, Haruka turned in her chair and looked the young girl behind her dead in the eyes. The indescript girl blushed at Haruka's intensity. Feeding off of the girl's reaction,  
Haruka smiled at her a bit predatorily, she replied in a slow, smooth voice, "Yes. Yes, I am. My father owns Tenoh Enterprise. I also am a nationally medalled sprinter, and have taken a shine to f-1 racing.  
Please support my efforts." She punctuated her statement with a wink, and the girl blushed more deeply.

Haruka turned back in her seat and snickered to herself. That interaction had been remarkably easy,  
and entertained her to no end, she found. Posturing could be fun, and she had won a fan of the girl behind her. She was certain of it.

Feeling more comfortable with herself and her surroundings, Haruka scanned the classroom. Many of the eyes that had been watching her turned away all too obviously. One girl, however, stared at Haruka unabashedly. There was no timidity or remorse in her eyes. Discernment, Haruka had surmised.  
Something about the girl's boldness piqued Haruka's interest. Though the girl left her with an unsettled feeling.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o..o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o 

Classes had seemed to drag on forever. When the final bell rang, it was with great relief that Haruka packed her things and briskly exited the building. Though the act of exiting was no easy task, hordes of students created traffic as they went in search of cliques and their respective clubs.

Haruka stood in the parking lot, viewing the building that was her new school. She threw an arm brandishing her bag over her shoulder, and stared as a feeling of great loss hollowed her chest. Right now,  
Yuki should have been bounding towards her with that ridiculously infallible smile on her face. Haruka hadn't seen the beauty in three weeks, not since the incident. Last she heard, Yuki had been discarded,  
much as Haruka; thrown into a boarding school for girls.

Haruka chuckled unamused, "What a silly solution."

While Haruka walked, she couldn't help but imagine Yuki standing next to her, as the girl had so many times before. What would Yuki say now? Imply that Haruka should cheer up, probably. "You're always so stern and solemn." something like that. Haruka looked up to the sky as she felt tears uncharacteristically sting her eyes. Yes, stoic and stern. Haruka had always been frigid and driven for as long as she could remember. Coldly pushing forward, just like her father.

Just like her father. If she had been a boy, her father would have been the most proud father ever there was. Haruka would be the perfect son. Then kissing Yuki wouldn't have been such...

Yuki pulled back from Haruka, still holding Haruka's face in her hands. Her tears had stopped their torrential reign, and Haruka raised a hand to wipe the moist streams off of the girl's gorgeous face. Haruka offered the girl a compassionate smile, "This was all really dramatic, wasn't it?"

Yuki giggled at Haruka's words, smiling radiantly, "You're not romantic at all, are you?"

Haruka's face looked suddenly quite serious again, "I'd like to try."

Yuki met Haruka's eyes, deeply staring into them, her heart tightened and ached in her chest.  
Haruka pulled the girl into her firm embrace. Yuki relished feeling Haruka's toned muscles tense as they pressed her to the taller girl's soft bosom. "You're crying again." Haruka spoke.

Yuki held on to Haruka as though she feared her untimely escape. "I love you." the small girl whispered brokenly. Haruka stiffened in Yuki's desperate embrace as she realised she had never heard those words spoken to her before. I love you. Three simple words affixing themselves to an even simpler concept; Love.  
Haruka was loved.

Haruka broke herself from Yuki's grip and pressed her lips to the petite beauty's. At first, the kiss was feather light, but deepened as her well-fastened, restrained desire for this young woman in her arms came undone. Haruka's tongue reached urgently for Yuki's, as her hands slid down to the small of the girl's back. When Yuki's tongue teasingly, lightly graced the masculine girl's with her own silky slick warmth, Haruka growled low in her throat. Yuki's breath caught in her chest as her womb tightened in response to Haruka's ferity.

Yuki wanted nothing more than to be possessed by the strong woman before her. She laid back onto the bed, pulling Haruka on top of her. Haruka suddenly felt nervous as the realisation of what may happen struck her. Reading Haruka's face, Yuki pulled the tall girl down close to her and kissed her lips lightly, well tamed, in deference to Haruka's anxiety. "Pleasedon'tstop. Pleasedon'tstop. Pleasedon'tstop"  
Yuki repeated in her head like a prayer.

Haruka settled herself between Yuki's legs, and kissed the girl back. Her tongue tenderly grazed the raven-haired nymph's lips, then dipped temptingly into her mouth. Yuki moaned as she wrapped her arms around Haruka's neck, the runner's strong hips pressed into Yuki's in response.

"... a DISGRACE!" Haruka's father growled with fury as he stood in the open doorway. Haruka and Yuki jumped up and away from each other at an alarming speed. Had they left the door open? Had he opened it without them realising it? Why was he home so early? Was this really happening? A million thoughts pounded, then shattered Haruka's mind completely. She sat on the bed staring at her father in utter shock.  
"No more Yuki" was all that went through her mind as she father snatched her by the collar and physically dragged her down stairs. Haruka had thought she heard Yuki yell her name through the sound of her feet stumbling down the steps and her father's snarls of disdain.

Upon reaching her father's shrine room, he threw Haruka to the ground then stomped across the room to a large well carved wooden box. After grabbing an item from the box, he stormed his way back over to Haruka. He grabbed her forcefully by the hair and lifted her to her feet. "Stand in front of the oshoko"  
He yelled. Standing in front of the altar, he lit the incense. "Bow!" her father spoke through gritted teeth. Haruka obediently took two steps back and bowed deeply. He then pulled out a string of nenju and threw them at Haruka. "PRAY!!" he growled. "Pray for your father's forgiveness!!" Haruka did as her father instructed; she kneeled before the altar, nenju in hand, and began to pray. Though she decided did not pray for her father's forgiveness, rather, she contemplated her relationship with Yuki, and wished the girl's well being through all of this ill fortune.

Her father rattled on and on as she prayed, only occasionally did she catch words and phrases from his tirade. "You impudent fucking spoiled disgrace of a daughter! How dare you shame your family and our name!" He paced back and forth, yelling one obscenity after another. Haruka held the nenju in her hands and prayed, she meditated her father's yelling clear out of her mind, praying over and over for Yuki's well being.

To be continued...

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Definitions:

Oshoko- oshoko is the offering of incense before buddhist prayer. It is believed that the light of the incense purifies one's body and mind before paying homage to Buddha.

Nenju- buddhist prayer beads.

MORE Author's Notes:

Dundundunnn! Thus the dreaded event which changed Haruka's young life forever is unfolding.  
Yeah, her father seems like a prick, doesn't he? Oh well. Business men are like that.

I hope you all enjoyed this long awaited chapter in the series! Hopefully the other won't take a year or two or three to muse its way out of my brain in the future.

As always, criticisms are welcomed and thoroughly encouraged! Thank you for reading!

Should ya feel the inclination, here's mah email: l0vecat()hotmail(dot)com

Yeah, typed out all wonkylike cos fanfiction(dot)net doth friggin' flippin' sucketh rocks.

Much love,  
Monikku. 


	5. Author's Request

Author's Notes:

This isn't a chapter at all, this is a humble request. I need a beta reader, editor, and general ass-kicker in arms. I need someone willing to ride my ass like a surfer catching a wave... to get my damn story finished. If anybody is interested, please email me. L0vecat(at)hotmail-dot-com [the 'o' in "love" is a zero

Thanks for hangin' on for those still waiting for updates!

I will finish them, damnit. I WILL!

Monikku. 


	6. Chapter Five

Author's Notes:

Taking a break from Yuki to introduce….

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The Disaffected Life,

Chapter Five,

By Monikku

Haruka sat, staring down at her meal with displeasure. Her apartment was bitterly quiet. She had been so unaccustomed to loneliness. The irony struck her, suddenly, as being quite absurd. She spent the majority of her life seeking the solace of being alone. She spoke to no one, had few friends, and tried her best to distance herself from her family. The embrace of her anger had been so comforting, laying in the coffin-esque museum her parents dared to call a home. Now, however, the lack of life, and the only sound being her own breathing, this she found stifling. Haruka rose from her seat, leaving her dinner untouched, and left her apartment; the hollow click of the door, the only noise left to displace the silence.

oooooooooooooooooooooo

It felt as though she had been walking for hours, the sun had sunken into the sea long ago. It amazed her that the hordes of people on Tokyo streets never seemed to wane, only the types of people had changed. Earlier, when initially she began her trek to nowhere, there had been suits rushing to train stations, blathering into cell phones about dinner plans or business. Now there was a younger crowd, dressed to embark the night, the only trait that tied the two groups together was cell phones. Haruka loathed cell phones, they were nuisance, she felt, an absolute tether to everyone and anyone who wished to seek you out no matter the time nor place. There was no consideration of your desires, a ringing phone was the chime of obligation.

For the first time in a very long time, she took a moment to survey her city. Looking up at the high-rises, the neon lights littering the horizon, there seemed a ridiculousness to it all... and in that exaggerated sense of reality, a certain beauty. Standing still, irritating the by passers with her immobility, she stared straight up at the sky and the building tops that kissed it on all sides. Anytime her world deafened her with its stillness, all she need do was step outside and feel the thrum of humanity moving steadily forwards. For that, she would be eternally grateful. Tokyo was truly a marvel to her, and understandably an epicenter of the world.

Haruka heard a voice from just behind her before she felt an arm rudely push her aside. "Hey, don't just stand there, get the fuck out of the way!" a masculine voice yelled, followed by a trill of feminine laughter. Catching her balance in an instant, Haruka stood and watched as a boy and girl ran into the distance. The girl's thick, long, curly silken black hair shimmered in the shine of the moon and neon lights. She turned her head, a bright smile highlighting her gorgeous features, to look back at the dismay she was sure her companion, presumably her boyfriend, had stirred. Their eyes met, and the young girl's smile slithered ungracefully off her beautiful face. It was as if she had seen the chiseled skeleton of Haruka, and before she could even register the movement, Haruka found herself chasing after the two.

In a flash, Haruka had caught up to them, and grabbed the girl by her arm, pulling the girl towards her. The boy, not realising Haruka's pursuit, never slowed down until he felt his companion's hand slip from his. He slowed his pace and turned around. As Haruka slowed to a stop, the girl tripped, and Haruka held her tight to her chest to keep her from falling. The girl seemed so confused in the chaos, but held on to Haruka tightly. Something about her embrace comforted Haruka. They stood together in the middle of the street, blocking a crosswalk, breathing heavily. People rushed by the two as though they were not even there, Haruka found herself unconsciously tightening her hold on the girl. The boy emerged from the sea of people, grabbing the girl by her arm, and wrenching her from Haruka's grasp.

"What the fuck is this?!" he yelled and stepped towards Haruka, furious. He pulled his right arm back, and threw a hook aimed for Haruka's head. She deftly dodged the punch, grabbed the boy's arm, and used the momentum of his own attack to throw him on the ground. The raven-haired girl watched in confusion and horror as the two fought.

"I don't want a fight." Haruka said to the boy.

He got up from the ground, and stood before her, "Well, you fucking found one when you touched my girlfriend!"

At this, the girl seemed to snap out of her trance. She stormed over to the two, pushed Haruka aside, and stood in front of the boy, livid; "Kazuya-san, I am **NOT** your girlfriend!"

The boy was clearly frustrated by her decent, "Koan, this really isn't the time to argue about this!"

She crossed her arms over her chest, "You can take your wounded ego and leave me the hell alone!"

Haruka shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. She watched in amused disbelief at this Koan-girl's behaviour. Haruka was startled out of her reverie as the occupant of the car in front of them laid their hand on the horn. "Get out of the street, ya brats!" the taxi driver yelled.

Snatching Haruka by the hand, she led the two out of the street and away from the boy. "Don't bother me ever again, Kazuya-san!" Koan roared, her face tensed with anger.

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The two walked hand in hand, wordlessly for some time. To on-lookers, Haruka imagined they seemed nothing more than a handsome young couple. Catching a glimpse of the petite girl beside her, she carefully assessed; porcelain skin, lovely perfect face, a model's build, her countenance unreadable. This girl was sewn tight, but assertive enough to be forceful when she deemed necessary. She wondered how easy it might be to rouse a reaction from this beauty.

Haruka removed her hand from Koan's, and, feeling bold, placed it on her hip. At this gesture, the girl stopped, and stared up at Haruka. "What are you doing?"

"You had been holding hands with a stranger for so long, I thought you might be an entertaining girl." Haruka shrugged, "I took a chance."

Koan closed her eyes and sighed deeply. She brushed off Haruka's hand, turned to Haruka, opened her eyes, and jabbed her index finger into Haruka's collarbone. "YOU ruined my evening!"

Haruka quirked an eyebrow, and stared down at Koan. She found ruffling this girl endlessly entertaining, "I'd like to think I improved upon it."

Koan groaned and rolled her eyes, "Get over yourself. Kazuya was taking me to dinner, and you ruined that for me!"

"I suppose that means I am obligated to treat such a beautiful girl as you to a meal?" Haruka tapped her chin and acted as though she were pondering the prospect deeply. "As much as I hate obligations," Haruka stared down at the raven haired girl, tilted her hand, and smiled dashingly, "I wouldn't mind buying you dinner."

"I won't be taken in by a rich playboy like you, Tenoh-san." Koan replied, and began to walk away.

Haruka caught up to Koan in two steps, "It pleases me to hear you remember my name." Haruka paused, "Why were you watching me today?"

Koan crossed her arms over her chest, "Because you were new."

"I don't think that's the sole reason."

"And I knew you were a girl." Koan replied quickly, nearly cutting off Haruka's sentence.

"Yes, I am. Should that be surprising?"

Koan slanted her eyes and stared up at Haruka as they walked, "I'd bet everyone in the class would think it is."

"My gender doesn't seem to bother you." Haruka pointed out.

"YOU bother me the more we speak," Koan looked down as something inexplicable stirred in her belly, "but your gender doesn't phase me."

"I'm glad," Haruka responded earnestly. "Where would you like to go?"

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"Koan-san, this isn't what I had in mind when I said I'd treat you to dinner." Haruka shifted as they stood in line for a street vendor.

"I'm not going to be indebted to a playboy." Koan replied tersely.

Haruka laughed heartily at Koan's headstrong behaviour, "You're a stubborn woman."

"Mmmm," Koan grunted in response.

It became their turn, and they ordered their bento. "I have to admit, sushi from a street vendor frightens me a little."

"Then don't order anything," Koan's words were growing harsh as the night progressed.

They waited in silence as their food was prepared. When their order was finished, Koan took her food from the vendor, and walked to the well-lit park across the street. Haruka followed the girl without saying a word. Once inside, Koan found a hill, and settled herself under a blossoming sakura tree, the trees which this park was famous for. Haruka sat next to the girl, and openly studied her face.

"I'm sorry if I offended you."

"I am not a girl for your entertainment." She replied in curt.

"I didn't think you were," Haruka continued to stare at the girl who seemed to pay her no mind.

"Why did you think it was appropriate for you to touch me like that? Or to grab me for that matter?" Koan stared back at Haruka, her anger building, "What made you think it was okay for you to chase after me!"

Haruka shook her head, "I didn't think." She looked down and massaged the back of her neck, "I didn't think at all. Your friend knocked into me, and then… I saw you… my legs… started moving. I had no idea what I was doing."

"It must be nice to be such a privileged, haphazard individual, Tenoh-san." A venomous bite punctuated her sentence.

Haruka grew tired of bending to apology for this girl, "I do not live in any sort of a haphazard fashion, Koan-san. As I've said, I'm terribly sorry if I offended you, but I won't sit here and be insulted."

"Then leave!" Koan yelled ferociously in Haruka's face.

"I can't do that." Haruka's inflection reflect nothing but calm.

"Why the hell not?!"

"It's 11 o'clock at night, we're in Tokyo, and you're a pretty, young girl. The streets are unsafe for you to roam them alone."

Koan sighed, opened her bento box, and un-snapped her chopsticks. "Itadakimasu" she said quietly to herself.

She sifted through her sashimi, picking a piece of fatty tuna, and lifted it level to her lips, "What if I decided to stay out all night, Tenoh-san?" she delicately placed the morsel in her mouth and chewed.

Haruka popped the top of her bento, un-snapped her chopsticks, "I thought you weren't such an entertaining girl, Koan-san." She popped some uni in her mouth.

Koan smiled ruefully.

"Look, why don't you give me a chance? I'm not a bad person. I'm sorry I put my hands on you, it was wrong to do so. I didn't believe you were poorly natured, I just wanted to wake you up. You were cinched up tight inside yourself." Haruka picked through her food, "I wanted you to talk to me." She shoved a large piece of nigiri into her mouth.

"Truce?" she said around rice and fish.

Koan grimaced, "You are so unrefined."

Haruka smiled sheepishly. "Truce?" she reiterated.

"Fine, truce." Koan finally relented.

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Author's Notes:

Still no editor. ;; And no outline. I really gotta start writing those. Damnit.

Yes, that is Koan from Season 3 of the series. For the purpose of this piece, it is set previous to season three. I've decided to take some creative liberties, that do flow with the actual series. In the first arc, the villains were the awakened reincarnations of themselves. I've decided that before season three, the sisters were some-what normal people, and their past selves re-awakened (due to the appearance of Rubeus) causing chaos.

Koan was Mars' rival, so I plucked much of her characterisation from Rei.

**Krampus:** Look! A story where stuff happens! _Kinda_. :P

**Petiyaka**: I'm sorry, it took quite a while for the next part. However, in light of how long posts usually take me, this is pretty fast:D

**chibidarkxiao: **It pleases me to hear that you consider this to be such a good story. J

To all others who have replied, thank you for your support and waiting it out with me. I'll finish this story, I promise. J


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